


So you shall stay, deepened and damned

by Ani



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: M/M, One Shot, Season/Series 03 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-18
Updated: 2014-03-18
Packaged: 2018-01-16 04:07:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1331317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ani/pseuds/Ani
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>IN THE BEGINNING of time all atoms that would ever exist existed. (This is the conservation of mass.) They were close, and one, and since then in the deep of space they have been singing their song of return. (This is the conservation of time.) His body was millions of his atoms and his body was one; three atoms in the sun had once clung close to his and the atoms in the chair he brushed had never ever known any of his.</p>
            </blockquote>





	So you shall stay, deepened and damned

IN THE BEGINNING of time all atoms that would ever exist existed. (This is the conservation of mass.) They were close, and one, and since then in the deep of space they have been singing their song of return. (This is the conservation of time.) His body was millions of his atoms and his body was one; three atoms in the sun had once clung close to his and the atoms in the chair he brushed had never ever known any of his.

 

The chair that he brushes is John’s. It is soft, and worn, but still his fingers catch on the stitching when the day is dry. He smoothes out the blanket draped over its back, aligning the edges to the pattern. When you stop and look at a stitch, you see the threads composite, and how each of those threads are spun tight, and a whole memory could be lost into a thread but instead the mind ignores it, and ignores the thousands of other stitches, and the dust between the creases of the arms, and the scratch on the leg, wherein wood grain writes glyphic of its past. The average mind passes over it but his does not, his stops, and looks, and regards the quantum foam separating this and that before and after him and other.

 

John and him were once close, in the beginning, his atom and his atom. They circled they were inseparable they were one-and-other. Before there was time. Before there was matter. Before the before. Now, in the after, they longed for each other. He could feel it. He could feel John leaning toward him, leaning into him, yearning to be again circling together one-and-other. He knew it. He _knew_ it. He could see it like he could see everything, he was just waiting, waiting until John fell in until John drew close until John realized. Any time. Any. Time. Time was. Before time. Time after. Time Was. No time.

 

He’d run out of time.

 

The chair he has is John’s. John is not in it. John is with Mary. Sherlock likes Mary, he may even love Mary, but he loves John, he really very very loves John, and they were supposed to be together. _Supposed to be_. The universe had written it. The universe was. The universe should be.

 

They had been - they were so close - but he ruined, didn’t he, by dying, by taking himself away from John, by ruining that bond, he’d won it all and still somehow he’d _lost_ , but he’d come back, hadn’t he, he’s ruined them, reunited their atoms as they should have be. Rejoined them as the universe had that day they first lay eyes on each other and Sherlock had gasped and Sherlock had known.

 

No.

 

This wasn’t fair. He, he _needed_ John, he was supposed to have John, this was _wrong_ , atoms separated would always rejoin. This is the conservation of mass. He had to have him. Somehow. Yes. He wasn’t sure how but some how it would all be…fixed John would…John would return. John would be his. This is the conservation of time.

 

And then Sherlock would say it was Good.

 


End file.
